I know all of you have one pressing question on your minds: "What can I get Damaris for her birthday? What could I possibly have to offer that would be worthy of her effervescence and ethereal coolness?".
Well, luckily, I have the answer. Why don't all of you pool your funds together and hook me up with a Nicolas Cage lookalike? (sarcasm level turned way, WAAAAAAAAY up)
This is the "top of the line" model... see? He wears a leather jacket, so he looks just like Nic!! See? See? Of course, this one costs the most, but you get not one but TWO pouty lips, so you're really getting a great deal!
Now this one is the mid-priced model... if you are in a nostalgic "Moonstruck" mood, this is the one for you. He comes with a complimentary penis pump and wooden hand.
This is our economy model. Actually, scrap that... we're giving this one away for free. He looks nothing whatsoever like Nicolas Cage, but he's not bad-looking on his own.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Well, that depends on when you catch him... if he's in a little bar in Koreatown shortly before Christmas, you get the "Lonely Drunken Stupor" discount... not only is he free, but you get a big payback in return! KACHING!!
GAWD, we are SOOOOOOOOOO evil!!!
-- Edited by Damaris at 00:29, 2006-05-10
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Well, that depends on when you catch him... if he's in a little bar in Koreatown shortly before Christmas, you get the "Lonely Drunken Stupor" discount... not only is he free, but you get a big payback in return! KACHING!! GAWD, we are SOOOOOOOOOO evil!!!-- Edited by Damaris at 00:29, 2006-05-10
Bwahahahahahaha! Maybe for thinking the way we do about HER! And him, only it's different for him, more dirty than negative. Anyways, we wouldn't be SO evil as to take advantage of him while he's in a lonely drunken stupor like some.
I'd take advantage of him, just in a completely different way. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Hey Ella! How much is Nic going for on the open market nowadays? LMAO. Or how about one of those "stand-in" decoys celebrities sometimes use to throw rabid fans off their trail?
One good thing about wearing glasses is that almost any man looks good when you take them off. Any tall white guy with a receding hairline can be Nic if the lights are dim enough. ROTFLMAO.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
The perfect gift a man can offers to a woman who has everything......well well
He just have to ask this woman a short list with her priorities ...list of gifts she would love to get ...might be something really inexpensive or the inverse or maybe something that cost nothing no money $ at all LOL
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Life isn't like a chocolate box It's more like a jar of jalapenos What you do today May burn your butt tomorrow ...
A pearl necklace would be a nice addition to my wardrobe. Always a classic look.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Speaking of looks. That Avatar would be a great look for you "D". The sexy platinum page, with the demure glasses and the killer cleavage! Hot, Hot, hot!!!! It's sweet and dangerous at the same time! (probably better decriptives out there, but i'm at a loss this morn)....lol
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I sleep with Nic every night.......................in my dreams!
Hey Ella! How much is Nic going for on the open market nowadays? LMAO. Or how about one of those "stand-in" decoys celebrities sometimes use to throw rabid fans off their trail? One good thing about wearing glasses is that almost any man looks good when you take them off. Any tall white guy with a receding hairline can be Nic if the lights are dim enough. ROTFLMAO.
Apparently it isn't costing HER a whole lot to have the real thing!!! I wouldn't want a stand in. He might not be as ENDOWED as the real thing either!!!!!
Speaking of looks. That Avatar would be a great look for you "D". The sexy platinum page, with the demure glasses and the killer cleavage! Hot, Hot, hot!!!! It's sweet and dangerous at the same time! (probably better decriptives out there, but i'm at a loss this morn)....lol
LOL. The platinum blonde would be death on my hair. I'm happy with the shade of blonde I have now - at least I don't have to worry about it falling out anytime soon like my grandma's did when SHE bleached it platinum blonde.
Big-chested women can't get away with showing cleavage the way smaller women can. What looks cute and sexy on a small women looks cheap and whorish on someone with my chest size. But I do wish I could pull it off... I get tired of the "layered look". Tonight I tried sneaking out of the house wearing a white tank top with a pink shrug sweater that tied in the front (Sinclaire knows the one I'm talking about... I bought it when we went shopping together) along with a denim miniskirt and white sandal heels. My dad politely said that it "accentuated what didn't need to be accentuated" (my tits), and my mother said I looked like a fat hooker.... she quickly reiterated that I wasn't fat, but the sweater hugged around my chest made me look that way. Well, you can imagine what kind of mood I'm in at this point.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
pick one sexy thing and let everything else be classy conservative - that way the sexy thing stands out amoung the classy backdrop. Too much put together gets "desparate" or "slut" label.
So, sexy top is paired with loose hanging cut pants = nothing tight. Short skirt is paired with a t-shirt or top that covers Moonpie and Scooter. Tight clothes are only good on people who have 2% body fat so we are all out.
I feel so sorry for the young girls who try to wear what Hollywood says is cool, but they have rolls over their low riders and bra straps, so it looks comical instead of the sexy they are trying for. I see them all over the place. So sad! And worse, the Hollywood gals even look bad in 1/2 of that stuff.
Oh, OK... I feel sometimes like I need to compete with what's out there.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Thanks, Perfect. I have bouts of insecurity all the time (gee, who woulda thunkit?), especially now that I've turned 34. I don't know why this number bothers me so much... I was fine at 30, I was fine for the next 3 years, but now I'm 34. There's something so ominous and disturbing about that number. I'm not "early 30's" anymore... and I really clung onto that because "early 30's" included 30, and 30 was just one year older than "late 20s".
When you do online dating, most guys are looking for a woman "18 to 35". That seems to be the magic bracket. At age 35, you're supposed to start getting mammograms every year, your odds of birth defects increases significantly if you have children, you're considered "older" and "mature".... there's even books dedicated to "finding a husband after 35". That's the big number, and I'm only 1 year away from it. That scares the hell out of me, and I can't go back.
-- Edited by Damaris at 17:29, 2006-05-14
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
It's not like I've got a husband and kids... it's not like I can say, "Well, I'm not a young hottie anymore, but at least I have a husband who still thinks I'm attractive, and I've got kids who love me just the way I am". I don't have any of that. Even being a single mom would stand for SOMETHING significant, but no.... I'm a 34-year old still clinging to the life of a 24-year old, but without the men chasing after me and without the expectation of better things to come within the next 10 years.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
I went out with some of my friends from the singles group, but I arrived first. I started to pull out my ID, and the guy at the door said, "Oh, don't worry about it.". I just looked at him and said, "You don't need to see it?". He said he didn't. I stood there and looked at him... I finally said, "Um, just for the record, you should ALWAYS ask to see a woman's ID. If nothing else, just to give us old broads a little ego boost.". He stammered and said, "But you don't look like a girl... you look like a LADY.".
I wanted to scream out, "Oh, FUCK YOU! I don't look like a lady... I look like a pathetic, desperate woman wearing jeans that are too tight for her sad, bloated ass... don't even GO THERE, BITCH!!". But instead, I just smiled a little and walked away.
So this guy and his "friend" (who is really his girlfriend - he's trying to keep it on the downlow but everyone knows) show up a couple of minutes later. She's the Japanese woman who got drunk at the cookout and passed out on the front lawn.... the one who was climbing in guys' laps and whispering in their ear. He asked for her ID and then made a big deal about the fact that she was so much older than she looked (she's 37). She looks like she's maybe 25, tops. She's 37, parties like a sailor on leave and smokes like a chimney. It's not fair.
Today "Aunt Flo" stopped by for a visit. I would like to say my emotional outburst had something to do with this, but deep down I know it didn't.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
MY OVARIES ARE SCREAMING!! WHY ISN'T ANYBODY LISTENING????
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
OK, seriously, does anybody out there know where I'm coming from on this?
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
The perfect man is gentle Never cruel or mean He has a beautiful smile And keeps his face so clean. The perfect man likes children And will raise them by your side He will be a good father As well as a good husband to his bride The perfect man loves cooking Cleaning and vacuuming too He'll do anything in his power To convey his feelings of love on to you. The perfect man is sweet Writing poetry from your name He's a best friend to your mother And kisses away your pain. He never has made you cry Or hurt you in any way To hell with this endless poem The perfect man is gay.
You know, I wouldn't give a flying dead squirrel about a man writing poetry. I would be happy with someone who didn't treat me like Margaret Thatcher.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
