I am at the point in my life where I have simply given up on the whole concept of attempting to have a social life and meet people, because apparently there is something about me that doesn't allow me to make a connection with others in person... or there's something about me that disturbs people and makes them want to avoid me. Or both. I really don't know.
I went out to my local hangout tonight and there were these two guys at the bar... one of them stopped me and asked if I wanted to sit with them because there were no other chairs available. So I did, and we were having a nice conversation. He bought me a drink, was flirting with me (saying he loved my eyes, yadda yadda yadda), etc... then after a few minutes of conversation, he gets up to use the restroom. When he returns, he goes over to a woman who had been sitting there with her friend since I got there, and stays with her the rest of the night. His buddy joined them.
For whatever reason, he decided that I was either not worth his effort (am I dull, weird... what?) or I did something that turned him off. He wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night, not even look at me. I don't know why, but this hurt... to have this nice person be interested in talking to you one second, and the next second walk away and chat up some other chick on the other side of the room for the rest of the night. It's not that I was really into him, but it was the idea that he wasn't into ME, that he decided I wasn't good enough.
As I was leaving, he wobbled up to me (he had drank quite a bit by then) and asked if I was leaving. I tried being polite and just drifting away, but he was so obnoxious about it. "You leavin'? You leavin'?". I finally said, "Well, it's obvious that you're no longer interested in talking to me, so there's no point in me hanging around here.". He laughed at me and was thoroughly amused over the fact that I was mad. I know I shouldn't have said that, and that I gave him too much power over me and my emotions, but it was a combination of many events and thoughts over the course of the evening that dragged my mood down. Seeing all these happy couples and groups of people who are having fun together was a reminder that I seem to lack the ability to connect with others (aside from you guys, but you've never really met me).
I'm a nice person! I act happy, I show interest in others, I am outgoing at times or at least receptive to conversation... but for whatever reason I am a social leper. Frankly, I would have been much more comfortable staying home and writing, or working on the website. I'm sorry to dump my emotions on the table like this, but it makes me feel a little better to "talk" it out.
People wonder why I have no confidence with men... it's because of ****ty situations like that and others just like it that I've had in the past.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
That was a pretty ****ty thing to do to you D! WTF!? I wonder if maybe this guy is just like that all the time though. Maybe he was looking for an easy piece of ass & just wasn't getting any kind of vibe from you that made him feel that he had a chance. Ya think?
I don't know... maybe... I've had a lot of people tell me (and tell other people who know me) that I'm the kind of girl men marry, not date for fun. Which I guess is kind of cool because that means they don't see me as a slut, but in the meantime what the hell am I supposed to do?
I think it's so stupid that men put women into two categories: nice girls and whores. But that seems to be the case.
-- Edited by Damaris at 14:25, 2006-01-07
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
I don't know... maybe... I've had a lot of people tell me (and tell other people who know me) that I'm the kind of girl men marry, not date for fun. Which I guess is kind of cool because that means they don't see me as a slut, but in the meantime what the hell am I supposed to do? I think it's so stupid that men put women into two categories: nice girls and whores. But that seems to be the case.-- Edited by Damaris at 14:25, 2006-01-07
I don't know D! I wish I did. Being catagorzied really sucks! Me, I don't know which one I fall into being that I come across as such a perv! My ex used to tell me that I send off signals that guys might take the wrong way. Whatever the f*ck that means! My signals can't be that loud since I'm still single! LOL!
But that doesn't explain these other guys who have dissed me.
There was a guy that I talked to on the phone over a week ago, whom I met online. We had a great conversation, and I let him know that I enjoyed talking to him. He said the same... I have not heard from him since then. No call, no email, no nothing.
I am really, honestly starting to believe that it is something to do with me. There are just too many coincidences. But I don't know what it is. I feel like people don't understand what it's like to be treated that way over and over and over again, to put yourself out there and be rejected.
-- Edited by Damaris at 19:48, 2006-01-07
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
But that doesn't explain these other guys who have dissed me. There was a guy that I talked to on the phone over a week ago, whom I met online. We had a great conversation, and I let him know that I enjoyed talking to him. He said the same... I have not heard from him since then. No call, no email, no nothing. I am really, honestly starting to believe that it is something to do with me. There are just too many coincidences. But I don't know what it is. I feel like people don't understand what it's like to be treated that way over and over and over again, to put yourself out there and be rejected.-- Edited by Damaris at 19:48, 2006-01-07
Ah D, I wish there were some logical explanation or magic words that I could say to you to make you feel better. I have none though. None other than these guys you've been meeting are ****s & wouldn't know a decent woman if they tripped on one! Keep your head up! The right man for you IS out there and all the waiting will be worth it when you fianlly do meet him. Heck maybe you'll meet him when we take our little excursion to LA. Me too hopefully!
I really hope not... that's gonna be two years from now, and I'm not interested in a long-distance relationship. Unfortunately, that might have to be the case, as I'm not finding anything around here. That guy from the other store might someday give me a call, but seeing as how we have no way of reaching each other I'm not sure when that would happen. I don't know if I'm interested in him or not.
I think part of the pain I feel comes from seeing how easy it was for my brother, how little work and effort he had to put forth to find the love of his life. For all intents and purposes, they are now engaged... and he did absolutely nothing to try to "find" her. He rarely went out on the weekends. He did put up one online dating ad but never wrote to any girls (he's a lazy ass... he just let girls write to him). He really just didn't give a **** about dating one way or another. And lo and behold, he's on a message board related to cartoons (CARTOONS!) and this girl shows up and starts talking to him. Pretty soon she's writing to him every day, and says she wants to meet him... she drives all the way here from Texas and it escalated from there.
I, on the other hand, have a lot of online ads up, I go out every weekend whether I feel like it or not, I do whatever I can to improve myself and make myself more "marketable" and yet I'm a miserable failure with men. Perhaps I'm putting too much thought or work into it. They say that it happens when you're not looking, but in reality, if you're lonely and crave companionship (or at the very least, a warm body to hold you at night) with someone who is decent and you find attractive, you're always going to be subconsciously "looking". And what if you DON'T look? You just sit at home on the weekends, not look your best when you go to the grocery store or whatever, and basically shoot yourself in the foot on any opportunity to make it happen? Is that any better?
I promised my mother I would go out somewhere tonight, even if it's just to Barnes and Noble or something like that... and try to look happy So I guess I need to do that now. Again, I'm sorry for dumping this on you guys, but if I don't tell someone I will explode. Thanks for listening to me.
-- Edited by Damaris at 20:25, 2006-01-07
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
I really hope not... that's gonna be two years from now, and I'm not interested in a long-distance relationship. Unfortunately, that might have to be the case, as I'm not finding anything around here. That guy from the other store might someday give me a call, but seeing as how we have no way of reaching each other I'm not sure when that would happen. I don't know if I'm interested in him or not. I think part of the pain I feel comes from seeing how easy it was for my brother, how little work and effort he had to put forth to find the love of his life. For all intents and purposes, they are now engaged... and he did absolutely nothing to try to "find" her. He rarely went out on the weekends. He did put up one online dating ad but never wrote to any girls (he's a lazy ass... he just let girls write to him). He really just didn't give a **** about dating one way or another. And lo and behold, he's on a message board related to cartoons (CARTOONS!) and this girl shows up and starts talking to him. Pretty soon she's writing to him every day, and says she wants to meet him... she drives all the way here from Texas and it escalated from there. I, on the other hand, have a lot of online ads up, I go out every weekend whether I feel like it or not, I do whatever I can to improve myself and make myself more "marketable" and yet I'm a miserable failure with men. Perhaps I'm putting too much thought or work into it. They say that it happens when you're not looking, but in reality, if you're lonely and crave companionship (or at the very least, a warm body to hold you at night) with someone who is decent and you find attractive, you're always going to be subconsciously "looking". And what if you DON'T look? You just sit at home on the weekends, not look your best when you go to the grocery store or whatever, and basically shoot yourself in the foot on any opportunity to make it happen? Is that any better? I promised my mother I would go out somewhere tonight, even if it's just to Barnes and Noble or something like that... and try to look happy So I guess I need to do that now. Again, I'm sorry for dumping this on you guys, but if I don't tell someone I will explode. Thanks for listening to me.-- Edited by Damaris at 20:25, 2006-01-07
No offense to your mom D, but why does she involve herself & push so hard!? Ya know I really like to believe that when we actually ARE ready to meet someone new that that's when it will happen! You can't go out with all this preasure of finding a man on your shoulders & expect it to happen! I think we (without really knowing it) pick up on vibes like that from eachother.
Oh, I totally agree, perfect. If I am to meet anyone, I have to get my mind straight. I'm aware of this, but don't know how to do it. It's like a Chinese puzzle... in order to meet someone, you have to get over the negative vibes that loneliness causes, but in order to get over the loneliness, you have to meet someone.
I think I am partly at fault for my mother being the way she is... I tell her about my problems and feelings (since she's really my best friend) and she in turn does everything she can think of to help me. She thinks men are intimidated by me and that's why they act so damn weird... but there's nothing about me that's intimidating. It's not like I'm rich, famous, a Nobel Prize winner or a supermodel. LOL!
Anyway, I'm gonna at least go out for awhile and get some coffee. I'll catch y'all in a few hours.
-- Edited by Damaris at 21:38, 2006-01-07
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Oh, I totally agree, perfect. If I am to meet anyone, I have to get my mind straight. I'm aware of this, but don't know how to do it. It's like a Chinese puzzle... in order to meet someone, you have to get over the negative vibes that loneliness causes, but in order to get over the loneliness, you have to meet someone. :puzzled: I think I am partly at fault for my mother being the way she is... I tell her about my problems and feelings (since she's really my best friend) and she in turn does everything she can think of to help me. She thinks men are intimidated by me and that's why they act so damn weird... but there's nothing about me that's intimidating. It's not like I'm rich, famous, a Nobel Prize winner or a supermodel. LOL! Anyway, I'm gonna at least go out for awhile and get some coffee. I'll catch y'all in a few hours.
I understand D. Relationships in general are puzzling! LOL! It's those vibes that will get not only you but me as well. It's just like all the ****s we've already wasted time on! And why do we continue to attract those types? I wish I could understand these vibes. I would change them! LOL! I can't afford another jerk! REALLY!
I'm sure your mom does mean well too. But sometimes it doesn't help. What are you gonna do though? Moms are there to talk & offer advice or pry & push! LOL!
Well I will keep my fingers crossed for you & hope that you meet someone interesting while your out.
Thank you, that's very sweet. Yes, I'm still at home, but I'm almost psyched up to go out.
I wish I could be one of those carefree, flirty girls that attract men like bees to honey. And gee, wouldn't it be nice to be in a position like Mrs. Cage (cannot stomach the thought of saying her first name... sorry), to have this wonderful man who adores you? Gee, must be so great. Gotta be happy for her, I guess. But for now, I am far from having that kind of love in my life. Do you know that I've never been in love before? I don't know what it feels like.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Do you know that I've never been in love before? I don't know what it feels like.
I've never been either D so don't feel bad. Oh I've cared for & even believed I was in love a time or two, but that was when I was younger. Now that I'm older I believe that falling in love is a myth!
Now, see, I wanna be like Kimmy. She just goes out and shakes her ass and doesn't give a **** what men think, and they fall all over themselves to get near her.
I, on the other hand, have no clue how to be charming and seductive. I am a complete dork around men.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Now, see, I wanna be like Kimmy. She just goes out and shakes her ass and doesn't give a **** what men think, and they fall all over themselves to get near her. I, on the other hand, have no clue how to be charming and seductive. I am a complete dork around men.
I know! Maybe we need to take lessons from Kimmy hey?
Well, I do feel a little better today. Like I said, I went to the mall and indulged a little (just a few bucks, but hey...). Eating some dark chocolate and drinking a diet vanilla Coke helped too. Not to mention the fact that I was wearing my favorite jeans... stretchy lowriders with high-heeled sandals. Yes, I freely admit that I'm an attention whore, and noticing that a few guys checked me out lifted my spirits somewhat. Does that make me shallow? LOL.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
Well, I do feel a little better today. Like I said, I went to the mall and indulged a little (just a few bucks, but hey...). Eating some dark chocolate and drinking a diet vanilla Coke helped too. Not to mention the fact that I was wearing my favorite jeans... stretchy lowriders with high-heeled sandals. Yes, I freely admit that I'm an attention whore, and noticing that a few guys checked me out lifted my spirits somewhat. Does that make me shallow? LOL.
Why would that make you shallow D!? Every woman enjoys being noticed! Even if she's with someone at the time! I'm glad your feeling better!
Thank you. In fact, last night I went out and had a chocolate martini... perhaps it was the alcohol, but I found myself so inspired that I outlined the finish to all of my ongoing fan fiction stories. Now I just have to sit down and actually write them out, but at least I have a backbone to work with, whereas before I was kind of lost.
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Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
So I guess I need to do that now. Again, I'm sorry for dumping this on you guys, but if I don't tell someone I will explode. Thanks for listening to me.
not ****s...............
