Damaris wrote:

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Perhaps this is all part of Korea's master plan to take over the United States? You see, since they are born and raised on the stuff, it has no bad side effects for them.  They send Korean women over to the U.S. to meet and marry wealthy, influential American men and then convince them that pickled cabbage is the ambrosia of the gods.  And since Asian women are supposed to be so wise and honest and stuff, they in turn tell everyone else about the benefits of kimchee.  Word spreads, and buttcheeks spread faster.  Pretty soon all of America is out of commission, camping out in bathrooms all across the continental U.S.  Then the Koreans come in and take over everything! NOTE:  This is just a joke... I'm just being silly.  I don't think Koreans are out to take over America.  Lindsay Lohan's already done it.

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ROTFFLMAO! Your too much! Ah hell who needs to get drunk!? You can get intoxicated from the humor on this board alone!

Too late, I've already drank 1/2 a bottle

Agreed.  Much better to be sober, horny and flailing ourselves upon the invisible sword of online embarrassment. 

I would really, really like to know if anybody from Nic's camp reads our posts.  Not because it would cause me to clean up my act, but because I want to know if they find us amusing.

Damaris wrote:

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Agreed.  Much better to be sober, horny and flailing ourselves upon the invisible sword of online embarrassment.  I would really, really like to know if anybody from Nic's camp reads our posts.  Not because it would cause me to clean up my act, but because I want to know if they find us amusing.

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a_perfect_circle1678 wrote:

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Yeah that would be interesting to know if we're like the Nic's Harlots comedy hour for them.

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Imagine this scenario... two PR lackeys are assigned to scan the Internet for malicious gossip about Nic, and they stumble across our message board.

PR #1:  "What the ****....?  Check this out... "

PR #2 (reads over his shoulder):  "I never thought of doing that with spaghetti sauce."

PR #1:  "And what the hell is their obsession with slave collars and kimchee, anyway?"

Damaris wrote:

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All we need is one sign.  Just one. Preferably not something originating from an attorney's email account.

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Dear Member of the Nicolas Cage Forum/Nic's Harlots,

       It has come to our attention that you and your fellow members have been talking rather freakishly about our client on your forum. We feel that it is in the best interest of our client to drag your horny butts to court and sue the bejesus out of you.

     A date of January 1, 2006 has been set for you and the rest of your amigos to appear in front of the honorable Judge P. Wapner in the People's court.

    YOU MUST APPEAR! Or face the maximum penalty allowed by law. And no it will not be in the form of community service at Mr. Cage's house! Also note that for the safety of our client, Mr. Cage will not be attending these procedings!

Sincerely,

Mr. Azzfukr

a_perfect_circle1678 wrote:

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Damaris wrote: All we need is one sign.  Just one. Preferably not something originating from an attorney's email account. Dear Member of the Nicolas Cage Forum/Nic's Harlots,        It has come to our attention that you and your fellow members have been talking rather freakishly about our client on your forum. We feel that it is in the best interest of our client to drag your horny butts to court and sue the bejesus out of you.      A date of January 1, 2006 has been set for you and the rest of your amigos to appear in front of the honorable Judge P. Wapner in the People's court.     YOU MUST APPEAR! Or face the maximum penalty allowed by law. And no it will not be in the form of community service at Mr. Cage's house! Also note that for the safety of our client, Mr. Cage will not be attending these procedings! Sincerely, Mr. Azzfukr

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Dear Mr. Azzfukr :

We have recently received documentation of your intent to seek legal action towards us on behalf of your client, Mr. Nicolas Cage.  We humbly reject your intention to enforce your power as a hot-shot jackass glorified paralegal, batting it out of the ballpark like Jose Canseco on a 'roid binge.

Please consider the justification for our mind-blowing horny rampages as outlined below:

1.)  Your client, Mr. Cage, possesses "immense peen".  Given that this is a notable rarity not just in Hollywood but in the general human male population, it is considered a noteworthy topic and, when this topic is interjected in conversation, should be considered "information of public interest".  This is no different than posting gas prices in front of 7-11... except Mr. Cage's pump is much bigger than any of theirs.

2.)  He is rumored to be somehow tied to a cultural phenomenon known as "Happy Endings".  At this time, we are investigating exactly what this means.  If it means what we THINK it means (and I think you know what we're referring to), then we view our interest in this topic as nothing more than marketing research geared towards the relationship of international service providers (you know... chicks in booking clubs - wink, wink) and their relationships with American clients.  This is akin to any thesis performed by any graduate student in the United States.  Educational endeavors should never be censored by anyone, not even the U.S. government.

3.)  Dude... he's just really, really HOT.  What do you EXPECT us to say about him?

In closing, we strongly suggest you pull that stick out of your ass before you accidently fall on it and hurt yourself.

Sincerely,

Nic's Harlots

LOL.  Kimmy fell asleep in front of her computer and didn't wake up until 4 am.  Now that she's back she's reading everything we said. 

It was a first-chair "WTF" night... LOL.

It's not a montage infact I have no idea what it is, but it's Nic. LOL!

Damaris wrote:

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That picture would make a great wallpaper.

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Damaris wrote:

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Aside from printing it off, rubbing it against my nipples and sleeping with it under my pillow tonight?

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Damaris wrote:

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(visualizing more than one picture of Nic lying next to perfect's bed with little red streaks on them)

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