I, the Penis, herby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour with no benefits. I work at great depths. I plunge head first into everything I do. I work well with multiple partners. I do not get weekends or public Holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I don't get paid overtime. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
- You do not work 8 hours straight. - You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods. - You do not always follow the orders of the management team. - You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. - You do not Take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. - You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. - You will retire well before you are 65. - You are unable to work double shifts. - You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task. - And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Kimchee is the answer to everyone's problems! It is the life force, the uncompromising Id, the dish at the end of the cold bar at the Asian buffet that keeps the common thread of mankind from unraveling at the seams!! WE MUST HAVE MORE KIMCHEE!!!
